My son was born on a Monday afternoon and despite having immediate skin-to-skin contact after delivery, I was too overwhelmed with emotions and too drained from labor that I didn't even think of trying to nurse. It wasn't until later in the evening when I was settled in a recovery room did my baby return to me and I was able to try nursing. There was no hospital lactation consultant working until Wednesday so I was left to myself to figure things out. One shift nurse told me I had flat nipples, another graciously spent an hour with me trying to get him to latch but was rather aggressive with her technique and I did not feel like I was bonding with my baby at all. She gave me nipple shields but I did not really understand how to use them. And the third nurse retuned my son to me with a cotton ball in his diaper to check for urine since I "hadn't had any successful breastfeeds." I felt like I was doing something wrong and ultimately my son was given formula for the rest of the time in the hospital. A few hours before my discharge, a wonderful lactation consultant spent a great deal of time with me. She said my "equipment" was just fine and showed me how to use the nipple shield correctly. Unfortunately, my baby was too lethargic to really participate in breastfeeding. She also set me up with a hospital grade pump and, after my pediatrician visited us, followed his recommendation and showed us how to "finger feed" with a tube. We left with pumping bottles, tubes, syringes, nipple shields, lanolin, and a whole lot of other supplies. The best thing she did, however, was give me New Born Baby's business card and suggested I contact Debbie Page for follow up once I was home.
The Journey Really Begins: Home
Debbie Page came into my home for our first visit two days after we were discharged. She was gentle and soft spoken and just the calming force we needed. My husband, who was the biggest advocate for wanting breastfeeding to be a success, and I had been using the tube and syringe system with the nipple shield and formula since we had come home and while I was waiting for my milk to come in. This simulated the baby feeding at the breast - but what a ton of work! I knew there was no way I would be able to keep it up once he returned to work so we were hoping Debbie would give us other skills to feed our son. Debbie encouraged plenty of skin-to-skin contact and after assessing my son's behavior stated, "this baby definitely wants to breastfeed!" Again, due to jaundice and his small size (about 6 pounds) he wasn't really ready to actively try. In fact, when alert, he was quite impatient waiting for milk/formula to come through the nipple shield. He would then become so frustrated he would cry himself out. Also, when crying, his tongue would press to the roof of his mouth making latching impossible. Debbie's best advice was to give things time and to keep trying.
Our second session was held in her office. The environment of her office space reflects her own calming aura and it is once of the reasons I still attend the mom/baby Breastfeeding Support group located there. My son had gained some weight and was beginning to be more alert, but not much progress was made. I was having difficulty even getting him to latch on to the nipple shield. Debbie continued to encourage me by observing the positive things about my baby and my interactions as well as make suggestions for how to progress further. She volunteered many different resources and provided informational handouts relating to milk supply, nutrition, etc.
Before our final session, when things were not going well, my husband and I both met with her to just talk about the process of things. With the attempts to breastfeed, the failure and need to bottle feed, and the continuous pumpings, I was losing my desire to even keep working at it. (Not to mention the crying and hormonal changes that make it even harder to remain rational about the process. One night I even threw the nipple shield across the room at my husband!) Her practical advice was to take a step back. Bottle feed for a day or two or even a week and allow ourselves to each get a full night sleep, recuperate and get our strength back, and when we felt ready, try again. Having her tell me it was okay to stop trying for a brief time helped me to not feel like a failure and ultimately gave me the fuel I needed to keep the goal of breastfeeding a possibility. As such, from about 2-4 weeks of age my baby only drank pumped breastmilk from a bottle. I began trying to breastfeed again and slowly watched subtle changes in my son's behavior. The positive side of bottle feeding was that it allowed my husband to bond with the baby and I was able to sleep more at night.
We had our final session with Debbie when my son was 6 weeks old. Since babies developmentally change during 6-8 weeks, it was a good time to hopefully make things happen. During that session she helped him to latch on to the nipple shield and nurse fully on one side, and even briefly latch directly to the nipple on the other side. Once again, she encouraged me by admiring my mothering instincts and observing how much my son did seem to want to breastfeed. I left with practical advice about how to move forward and a sense that I had accomplished something after all. I wish I had the foresight to seek advice and counsel before giving birth. The resources and expertise that Debbie has is essential to anyone considering breastfeeding. She makes you feel like your breastfeeding success is personally important to her...mainly because I believe it is! She was willing to take phone calls and emails and answer any questions I had outside of our scheduled sessions. Knowing her support was readily available offered me a great sense of security.
The Journey Continues: Now
Finally, at 7 ½ weeks old, my son actively latched on to the nipple shield and drank heartily for every feeding. I amazed that it seemed so easy and I even cried tears of joy. At 8 weeks, he began latching on his own without the nipple shield and he hasn't turned back. In fact, he currently rejects the bottle completely! I have been breastfeeding now for that the same length of time it took for it to "work" and I almost can't believe those early days of struggle. Fortunately, I have never had pain while breastfeeding and my milk supply is abundant. Now it seems so easy - and there are no bottles to wash!
Sometimes while nursing my son, Sleeper, he and I gaze into each other's eyes, or I gently stroke his hairline and I think back on those early days when I thought such a connection was a lost cause. Thanks to Debbie's advice and care, as well as my own persistence and my son's development, I now feel the stereotypical "natural connection" that breastfeeding offers. I am forever thankful to Debbie Page and the New Born Baby for making such a bond possible.
Emily Haley
Dear Debbie-