I always thought that I would nurse after having my baby and did not consider that there would be any obstacles to doing so. When I had my daughter, Zoe, she would not nurse in the hospital. She had trouble latching on and when she did, she just fell asleep. She did not have any interest in eating, even when trying to feed her through a syringe or glove. The nurses at the hospital tried everything and I met with the lactation specialist more than once. The staff felt that due to me, as well as her, being on the magnesium sulfate during labor, that she may be experiencing some fatigue and just not have the energy to eat. She also was vacuumed after birth due to swallowing merconium and it was felt that may have irritated her throat, hindering the swallowing process. I began pumping in the hospital with the hopes that once my milk came in, she would want to nurse.
We were discharged home with the hopes that she would "perk up" and begin eating. She had lost some weight and we were encouraged to try very frequent feedings, supplemented by formula through a syringe while she was trying to nurse, until my milk came in. This became a two person job and luckily my husband was willing to help. When I began producing milk, Zoe was still reluctant to nurse. We tried frequently but it usually ended in a crying match, for both of us, as we were both frustrated. With my husband returning to work, I turned to using a bottle. I would pump before each feeding and give her the milk through a bottle. Each time though, I would try to nurse her first. Each time, she refused. After many tries over a period of weeks, I began to just assume that she would not nurse and continued to pump.
I continued with the pumping instead of turning over to formula because deep down I thought that somehow Zoe would decide to nurse. I also knew the benefits of doing so and wanted that for her. I continued to try to nurse and one day when Zoe was about 9 weeks old, she nursed. I was so happy. She did this for about a week and then stopped. At this point, I sought help from Debbie at Newborn Baby. Several options were tried: positions were altered; I tried at different times of the day, during a bath, different nipples on bottles to help transition, and devices to assist with nursing such as a shield. Nothing seemed to help. She would latch on occasionally but would immediately begin screaming. Part of me blamed myself for turning to the bottle too soon, but I did not have any option at the time. Due to her low weight, she was not getting enough to eat without the bottle.
Zoe is now 5 months old and I am still pumping. I have reduced the number of times I pump per day but have stopped the constant trying to nurse. I do occasionally try with a tiny glimmer of hope, but so far it is not successful. I will most likely continue to pump for a while longer though. The benefits of giving her breast milk (both for me and her) outweigh the inconveniences of pumping. I know that breast milk is beneficial to her for many reasons, such as reducing risk of allergies, but I have continued for reasons that benefit me as well. My mother passed away from breast cancer when I was only 18 and getting this disease is one of my biggest fears. I have read a lot of information that states the risk of getting breast cancer reduces with length of time nursing. For me, pumping seems to be the best option health-wise for my daughter and myself.